GRATITUDE JOURNAL, A TOOL FOR THE GRIEVING HEART
Several times over the past few years I began to keep a gratitude journal. I bought a special notebook and pen and kept them by my bed. I wrote for a few days. Then I would forget for a day. Then I would stop completely.
Last year I made a commitment to myself to write in my journal for 21 days. I have read that it takes about 3 weeks to form a new habit or to break an unwanted habit.
The 21 days passed months ago. I still write every night before going to sleep. A few times I forgot and turned off the light. It only took a minute or two to realize that something didn’t feel right.
The light came back on and I was writing about all that I was thankful for.
This has truly been an amazing experience. The more I write, the more gratitude I feel.
What I am noticing more and more is my appreciation for the simple things that can so easily be ignored.
I challenge you to try it for 21 days. Just three weeks. It only takes 5 minutes, but it could change your life.
FINDING BALANCE WHILE GRIEVING
One of the most important things I do each day is stand on one foot. I know, that sounds silly. I will explain.
A couple months ago I added a new yoga pose to my morning routine. I begin by standing straight and tall with my feet together. Then I bend at the waist, lifting one leg straight back while stretching my head and arms parallel in front of me.
At first I fell sideways quite a lot. It’s good to begin with a chair or wall to your side for balance.
As I kept practicing, I became more balanced. But then I would again lose my balance. I noticed that the more I thought about what I was doing, the less I was able to hold the pose.
I began to focus simply on the intention of holding the pose. I felt the pose in my mind before I actually held the pose with my body..
I have begun to experiment with intention and vision in all areas of my life.
In the past it has been easy for me to get caught in analysis paralysis. I would plan to plan to plan. Of course, plans are often interrupted. Then I would feel out of balance.
Living with vision and intention rather than with rigid plans seems to allow for a sense of balance, even in the midst of confusion and challenge.
Coping with grief can be extremely challenging. Your life can feel out of balance and filled with confusion. Your vision can seem clouded with tears and the paralysis of pain.
What will be your intention and vision for this day?
You might say that you are grieving and you have no intention or vision.
Can your intention for this day be about being present when someone asks you how you are feeling?
Can you really check in with yourself rather than just saying you are fine?
Living from a place of intention is really about checking in and being honest about your life right now.
GRIEF AND TELLING THE TRUTH
While I would not say that I am a people pleaser, I would say that I prefer to avoid conflict. In fact, I really dislike conflict.
This desire to avoid conflict has led me to compromise my truth, especially after I lost my husband.
Someone would ask me how I was doing. At first I tried to be honest. Maybe I had just found something of meaning that belonged to my husband. Maybe I had been crying, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Maybe I had been missing our life together on the farm.
I shared my honest feelings at first. Most of the time I felt more uncomfortable after sharing, primarily because the person inquiring seemed to be feeling more uncomfortable.
I learned that expressing my honest feelings really seemed to be unproductive. I often felt frustrated by the encounter.
I began to numb out and say I was OK when someone inquired. That way the emotional disconnect did not occur.
Or did it?
Reflecting back now I believe I was sacrificing my truth in order that the inquiring person could feel better. If I said I felt OK, they could feel OK. Everything was OK.
Except, I did not express my truth. And I really cheated the other person out of hearing my truth.
My story is not unique. Our culture as a whole tends to deny grief and loss. It’s easier that way.
This denial really keeps us stuck in our grief. When feelings are dismissed or denied there is no healing or growth.
So…HOW ARE YOU REALLY FEELING?
Acknowledgment of your feelings is the beginning of your MOVE BEYOND GRIEF. Acknowledgment leads to greater awareness, which in turn brings choices.
You have a choice of whether to share your feelings or keep them to yourself. This is your decision, based on what feels right for you. This is different from denying your reality in order that others will not feel uncomfortable.
ACKNOWLEDGE ACCEPT MAKE YOUR CHOICE.
The Flower Garden
I have a small flower garden filled with perennials just outside my front door. Red, white, purple and pink are the predominant colors.
I learn about myself as I view this beautiful garden.
Sometimes I walk by and see only the various color spots within the garden. If I tune into my thoughts I often realize I have been thinking in more narrow, focused ways.
Sometimes I walk by and see only the weeds I need to pull. You guessed it; I’m usually having some critical or negative thoughts.
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A Different View
Today I took a walk with my dog. The parking area was crowded, so I decided to start my walk from a different location.
I was amazed at how different the walk became. It was basically the same walk in reverse. But the sun sparkled in a different way on the sea. The flowers seemed to glow with more brilliance. Even the houses on the other side of the street were somehow more architecturally interesting.
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A Lesson from the Butterfly
I want to share a quote from Maya Angelou:
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly,
but rarely admit the changes it has gone
through to achieve that beauty.”
For me, this quote speaks volumes about the process of grief. Emerging from the cocoon is not an easy task. The caterpillar, in essence, dissolves within the cocoon. As the butterfly grows toward maturity, it realizes that it will die if it does not take action to leave the protection of the cocoon.
The Lighthouse
I often take an afternoon walk about four miles down the coastline from a functioning lighthouse. This particular afternoon the sky was blue and bright and the ocean sparkled.
As I gazed toward the sea my eyes fixed upon the light atop the tiny lighthouse. But just as my focus fixed on the beam of light, it was gone from my sight. gain it would claim my attention. And again it was gone from sight.
