SELECTIVE MEMORY
The mind likes to push us from black to white, from either to or, from positive to negative.
When we remember events or people, we tend to sort the memories into categories. We see life as either good or bad. We say this is a good memory and that is a bad memory.
The mind seems to be trying to simplify things for us, but what really is happening is a fragmentation of memory and of life.
Some people or events in our memory become part of the list of positive memories. Some get added to the list of negative memories.
Years later we may reflect back on our lives as a series of either good memories or bad memories.
In my experience this compartmentalization often leads to distortions of reality. And these distortions can keep us stuck in the past. And further, these distortions of reality keep us stuck in the role of the victim.
The victim mind is seeking control. The victim mind is attempting to hold time captive. But what is really happening is that we hold ourselves captive.
As this captive state persists, life can become suspended between the world of now and the world of the past.
To move beyond grief requires a paradigm shift. To move beyond grief requires a fresh look at the memory process. To move beyond grief requires a holistic view of memory.
There can be no resolution when the relationships of our lives are wrapped in selective feelings and memories. The mind grasps for structure and completeness, but really is grasping for control.
Control is not possible. There needs to be a shift from seeking control to seeking resolution. Seeking resolution requires honesty and diligence.
FINDING BALANCE WHILE GRIEVING
One of the most important things I do each day is stand on one foot. I know, that sounds silly. I will explain.
A couple months ago I added a new yoga pose to my morning routine. I begin by standing straight and tall with my feet together. Then I bend at the waist, lifting one leg straight back while stretching my head and arms parallel in front of me.
At first I fell sideways quite a lot. It’s good to begin with a chair or wall to your side for balance.
As I kept practicing, I became more balanced. But then I would again lose my balance. I noticed that the more I thought about what I was doing, the less I was able to hold the pose.
I began to focus simply on the intention of holding the pose. I felt the pose in my mind before I actually held the pose with my body..
I have begun to experiment with intention and vision in all areas of my life.
In the past it has been easy for me to get caught in analysis paralysis. I would plan to plan to plan. Of course, plans are often interrupted. Then I would feel out of balance.
Living with vision and intention rather than with rigid plans seems to allow for a sense of balance, even in the midst of confusion and challenge.
Coping with grief can be extremely challenging. Your life can feel out of balance and filled with confusion. Your vision can seem clouded with tears and the paralysis of pain.
What will be your intention and vision for this day?
You might say that you are grieving and you have no intention or vision.
Can your intention for this day be about being present when someone asks you how you are feeling?
Can you really check in with yourself rather than just saying you are fine?
Living from a place of intention is really about checking in and being honest about your life right now.
Grief and Menopause
Soon after my husband’s death, I felt myself descending deeper and deeper into a dark, lethargic place. My body felt sluggish. My mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. I ate little, but seemed to be gaining weight.
I decided to visit my naturopathic doctor. She reminded me that I was beginning my transition through menopause. Somehow I had forgotten that my body was moving into this new phase of life. Read more
