HANDLING GRIEF
Handling grief while trying to go on with your life can be very difficult for widows. Grieving can be unpredictable. Feelings of loss can bring on tears, even years after the loss.
Widows often find themselves overwhelmed with tears. There can be a sense of frustration. There can be feelings of resignation.
Handling grief requires knowledge and honesty and patience.
In my soon to be published interactive Move Beyond Grief Journal, I will take you through this maze of feelings which we call grief. You will learn techniques and strategies to help you move beyond grief and begin living the empowered life you deserve to live.
WHAT TO DO WITH WEDDING RINGS
One of the big questions which comes to mind when you lose your spouse is whether or not you wish to remove your rings. You may also question when is the appropriate time to remove your rings. And you may also hear advice from family and friends about how to handle these deeply personal questions.
The night my husband died I was told by the mortuary to remove his wedding ring. Wow. OK. I was in shock.
I did it. For security purposes, they said. Not sure what that meant, but I had no energy for questioning. I did what I was told.
I placed the ring on my finger, but I was afraid I would lose it. I had to keep it close to me. It was a symbol of our love. It now became a tangible way to stay close to him while at the same time feeling so very lonely.
I decided to put his ring on a chain around my neck, very close to my heart. It helped me feel close and it brought comfort.
A couple months later my ring finger began to itch beneath my own rings. There was no physical reason for this irritation. Intuitively I sensed it was time to remove them. But taking them off brought up so many feelings. There seemed to be a new finality to our relationship. There were feelings of guilt. There were feelings of disloyalty.
After several days I was actually able to remove the rings from my finger. It seemed appropriate to add them to his ring on the chain around my neck.
Surprisingly, within a couple weeks I felt like it was time to remove the necklace of rings. I placed the rings in a special heart-shaped box where they remain to this day. I open it on occasion and smile in gratitude for the shared life represented by these rings.
REMOVING THE RINGS IS A MILESTONE THAT WE EACH MUST HANDLE IN OUR OWN WAY. TRUST YOUR FEELINGS. YOUR WILL KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU.
HOW DO YOU ESCAPE FROM PAIN?
Grieving intensifies the emotions we are feeling. Grieving often happens in addition to other stress in our lives. Pressure builds inside. When we feel ourselves getting close to that pressure point we often seek to escape.
So how do you attempt to escape from pain and exhaustion? Perhaps you pour yourself a glass of wine or have a beer. You may relieve stress by jogging or other strenuous exercise. Or you may zone out in front of the TV or computer.
There is nothing wrong with these activities. It is more about your intention. If you are engaging in activities as temporary escape from painful emotions or inner conflict then you probably need to step back and honestly acknowledge what is really going on.
Grief often clouds our lives and our judgment. This is normal and natural after a loss. But what I am talking about here is a persistent cloudiness which persists as a result of relying on escape habits rather than honestly acknowledging the uncomfortable feelings.
