FINDING BALANCE WHILE GRIEVING
One of the most important things I do each day is stand on one foot. I know, that sounds silly. I will explain.
A couple months ago I added a new yoga pose to my morning routine. I begin by standing straight and tall with my feet together. Then I bend at the waist, lifting one leg straight back while stretching my head and arms parallel in front of me.
At first I fell sideways quite a lot. It’s good to begin with a chair or wall to your side for balance.
As I kept practicing, I became more balanced. But then I would again lose my balance. I noticed that the more I thought about what I was doing, the less I was able to hold the pose.
I began to focus simply on the intention of holding the pose. I felt the pose in my mind before I actually held the pose with my body..
I have begun to experiment with intention and vision in all areas of my life.
In the past it has been easy for me to get caught in analysis paralysis. I would plan to plan to plan. Of course, plans are often interrupted. Then I would feel out of balance.
Living with vision and intention rather than with rigid plans seems to allow for a sense of balance, even in the midst of confusion and challenge.
Coping with grief can be extremely challenging. Your life can feel out of balance and filled with confusion. Your vision can seem clouded with tears and the paralysis of pain.
What will be your intention and vision for this day?
You might say that you are grieving and you have no intention or vision.
Can your intention for this day be about being present when someone asks you how you are feeling?
Can you really check in with yourself rather than just saying you are fine?
Living from a place of intention is really about checking in and being honest about your life right now.
Poems of Grief: DO YOU HEAR?
DO YOU HEAR?
Do you hear it?
The profundity of Life?
Whispering cries
Solemn tears
Paralyzing fears
Conversations
Silence
Stark White Poignant
Silence
Do you hear?
Beneath the chaos
Currents of Life?
Do you hear?
SC
GRIEF AND TELLING THE TRUTH
While I would not say that I am a people pleaser, I would say that I prefer to avoid conflict. In fact, I really dislike conflict.
This desire to avoid conflict has led me to compromise my truth, especially after I lost my husband.
Someone would ask me how I was doing. At first I tried to be honest. Maybe I had just found something of meaning that belonged to my husband. Maybe I had been crying, wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Maybe I had been missing our life together on the farm.
I shared my honest feelings at first. Most of the time I felt more uncomfortable after sharing, primarily because the person inquiring seemed to be feeling more uncomfortable.
I learned that expressing my honest feelings really seemed to be unproductive. I often felt frustrated by the encounter.
I began to numb out and say I was OK when someone inquired. That way the emotional disconnect did not occur.
Or did it?
Reflecting back now I believe I was sacrificing my truth in order that the inquiring person could feel better. If I said I felt OK, they could feel OK. Everything was OK.
Except, I did not express my truth. And I really cheated the other person out of hearing my truth.
My story is not unique. Our culture as a whole tends to deny grief and loss. It’s easier that way.
This denial really keeps us stuck in our grief. When feelings are dismissed or denied there is no healing or growth.
So…HOW ARE YOU REALLY FEELING?
Acknowledgment of your feelings is the beginning of your MOVE BEYOND GRIEF. Acknowledgment leads to greater awareness, which in turn brings choices.
You have a choice of whether to share your feelings or keep them to yourself. This is your decision, based on what feels right for you. This is different from denying your reality in order that others will not feel uncomfortable.
ACKNOWLEDGE ACCEPT MAKE YOUR CHOICE.
CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN OF GRIEF
Grief can feel like climbing a mountain. The experience can be rigorous and challenging.
When I lived in Colorado, I did a lot of hiking with my dog. Hiking in Colorado can be extremely challenging because of the high altitude.
Sometimes the only way to make it to the top is to slow down and really pay attention to your body.
SOMETIMES YOU MUST PERSEVERE WITH PATIENCE.
The challenge of the grieving process can often seem overwhelming. It can seem pointless and meaningless and painful.
You may feel apprehensive, wondering if you are really getting anywhere. You may perhaps be wondering if it is worth the effort.
Grief is often about taking one step at a time. Sometimes the challenge can seem overwhelming. Sometimes you may need to slow down and rest.
Just Breathe. Feel the beating of your aching heart. Breathe in. Breathe out.
This moment is all there is.
One step at a time.
The Flower Garden
I have a small flower garden filled with perennials just outside my front door. Red, white, purple and pink are the predominant colors.
I learn about myself as I view this beautiful garden.
Sometimes I walk by and see only the various color spots within the garden. If I tune into my thoughts I often realize I have been thinking in more narrow, focused ways.
Sometimes I walk by and see only the weeds I need to pull. You guessed it; I’m usually having some critical or negative thoughts.
Read more
Grief and Forgiveness
Forgiveness plays a big role in your move beyond grief. We tend to think that forgiveness is about condoning a wrong. That’s not what I am saying. That just does not feel right.
Sometimes grief becomes entangled with guilt. There can be guilt about things said to the deceased person that we wish we had not said. There can also be guilt for the things we did not say.
Read more
Betrayal and Grief
Betrayal-loss-violation
Anger-white-hot
A human torch
Ashes everywhere
Nothing-but ashes
S.C.
Two years or so after my husband’s death I got involved in a very unhealthy relationship. Everyone around me could see this but me. My grief and loneliness had clouded my judgment. I was numb and yet desperately wanting to feel whole again.
I am Fine Inside
Today was very windy. In fact, the wind was so strong that I actually felt myself pushed from behind and sideways during my walk.
At first I was a bit annoyed. It was difficult to enjoy the walk with the cold wind stinging my face and that same wind throwing me off balance.
Grief is a Journey
Sometimes life seems to become a giant “to do” list. It’s just about getting done and checking things off the list. We forget about the journey and focus solely on the end result. Then we experience frustration or annoyance over any delays in reaching the projected end result.
The same thing can happen when we are grieving. Life can become about making it to the end of the day. Life can become about getting back home, pulling the blinds and curling up on the couch.
The goal of life can become hiding from life. There is no awareness of the process. There is no living in the moment. There is impatience and frustration and resignation.
Grief and Anniversaries
My wedding anniversary is June 3. The first couple of anniversaries after my husband’s death were extremely difficult. There seemed no helpful way to get through this day. I would even start feeling sad and uncomfortable several days prior.
During the fifth year, my old dog began having health problems. She was 13. She looked really good for her age, but I had to acknowledge that 13 was on the older end of the life spectrum for Black Labs.
